Drinks
by Sindel
Summary: Pikachu wants Pichu to leave him alone in a bar. Quick oneshot, strong language and jabs at Marth


Disclaimer: Nintendo

XXX

"Oh hell." Pikachu muttered into his mug of beer, keeping his eyes low to the ground, "If that little brat sees me again-"

"PIKACHU!" a high pitched squeal cried out, rushing over there to hug his legs tightly, "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"That's because I've been hiding from you." The rat snapped, taking a drink of his beer, "Now go bother some other asshole, I don't have to deal with you right now."

Pichu hugged him tighter, making Pikachu growl, "I wanna play against you in Soul Calibur 2! Please? I've been practicing really really hard-"

"Go practice some more." Pikachu interrupted, "You're light years away from beating me."

The smaller rat paused,

"Pikachu, are you gonna get drunk again tonight?"

"Yes. Now go the fuck away, I don't wanna see ten of you." Pikachu answered then went back to his beer, "Too much fucking IQ dropping to deal with."

"Piiikkkaaa, my teacher said drinking was bad for your liver and your heart and you'll get fat-"

"1. Your teacher is obviously a Mormon whore. 2. My liver will be fine because the pills will cancel out the alcohol. 3. My heart is already dead thanks to morals of society and you still being alive. 4. Being fat has nothing to do with alcohol; it has something to do with self-esteem. I already know I'm going to get fat therefore I will not be fat." Pikachu listed off, taking another swig.

Pichu frowned, confused at what he was saying. "Can I go play your Gamecube?"

"You stay the fuck away from my Gamecube or your ass is Marth's." The rat threatened, finishing his beer.

"Piikkaa, my teacher said that alcoholics have a problem with themselves so they drink their pain away." Pichu prompted.

"Apparently, your Mormon whore has a addiction to Dr. Phil."

"Is it true?"  
"Hell no. I'm perfectly fine with myself when I'm drunk." Pikachu said, "Barkeep, another one."

"You always got a smart ass reply to everything, don't you?" Falco retorted, extremely buzzed, sitting across the bar from the two.

"At least I don't have a dumb ass like you." Pikachu replied, sucking the foam off the top of the beer.

Falco shakily stood up, "You fucking-!"

"Shut the hell up, birdie. You're endangered already, you wanna make your species extinct?" The other asked coldly.

"Piiikkkaa…."

"Tell you what, Pichu," Pikachu intervened, "I'll buy you a drink if you shut the hell up."

"Hey hey," The barkeeper held up his hands, "I can't sell to minors, you know that! As his parent, you should-"

"Parent? I wouldn't be saddled with that shit." Pikachu corrected him; "If something goes to hell, blame it on peer pressure."

The barkeeper unwillingly poured Pichu a beer, placing it down in front of the small rat's face. Pichu took it with awe and took a drink before spitting it up.

"It BURNS, Piikkkaa!"

"Trick is to swallow it fast. Shoot the shit down." Pikachu advised, taking a drink, "Don't go slow."

"B-but it tastes bad! It tastes like oil!" Pichu whined.

"That would be the anti-freeze." He muttered, "Life doesn't taste good. It's a cold bitter slap in the face, a burn in the back of the throat and a hallucination."

"My throat hurts." Pichu rubbed his neck.

"Don't give blowjobs then…in fact, stay away from Marth altogether." Pikachu grumbled, halfway through his drink.

"Why do you keep saying that about Marth?" Pichu asked curiously.

"'Cause he's an asshole."

"Does he like boys, Pikachu?"

"He likes both." Pikachu said, "He's an asshole."

"Do you hate everyone, Pikachu?"

"Most of them but not everyone-just the pricks." He said, taking another drink, "I find that most people here are arrogant."

"People don't like you here very much." Pichu stated, taking a drink, making a face.

"I imagine so." Pikachu agreed, "I'm not exactly peppy."

"People think you should be."

"People are wrong, aren't they?" Pikachu said, taking out some money, "You'll find that some people act differently than what they look like."

"I thought you were going to get drunk." Pichu questioned, his eyes innocently shining.

"I was going to." He calmly said, "But I changed my mind."

"Why?"

"Because my suspicion of a date-rape drug in my drink." Pikachu answered with sharp wit.

"Huh?"

"Why else would you be here talking to me?" Pikachu said, slapping money on the table.

He hopped off the stool and flipped off Roy who obviously set this house of cards against him for the constant berating of his friend Marth.

XXX

Read and Review.

Note: Yes, I am aware that Pikachu is an asshole and do not try to flame. Pikachu absolutely demanded a story and I gave him one. No, Pikachu is not bias against gays and yes, he is quite mean to Marth because Marth is mean to him. This is my version of Pikachu and I am not changing him for the world.


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